In a sweep of sadness and rage one discovers how they truly feel about a thing or two. And it is not during this storm that one finds out, on the contrary, these emotions surface after all subsides.
How can one live with oneself if they know their excellence in one thing means their demise in it (professional demise)? If one is reminded of how they failed where assholes soared, what's the aftermath of that? I'll tell you, the constant, very public reminder will surely destroy every shred of confidence you ever had in your performance when nothing was wrong with it. And you know what is even worse? The fact that those carrying the reminders, who are probably the assholes who soar in one, rare place, are nothing but worthless entities in this vast, vast universe when your existence probably means a lot more than theirs (professionally). And then one wonders, since when has there been a place where minions belong? This place has only brought ruin among heroes, because minions fight dirty. Your failure where assholes soar means that this place is: A. No big deal, B. A place for assholes, and only assholes, and C. You're going to be reminded of how you failed all the time by the inhabitants of that land just because: A. they can, B. they have no control over the magnificent, excellent person you are and C. they don't know any better. Which invites your sympathy to witness this sad, sad act, for a little while. But through all this, one learns not to dwell too long on the inane land of the assholes, simply because it's not taking you anywhere and you will only feel worse as they will feel superior, when you shouldn't and they certainly are not.
They say it never rains, but it pours, and many a time has this saying proven itself right. So while you're going through some sort of academic shit storm, you also discover that your surroundings are changing, the people flanking you are becoming either more worthy or totally worthless(depending on the way they are proceeding with their either very happy or very sorry lives), some of them you see how they are going to end up soaring where heroes have or dwelling all seven stages of hell, one at a time, but mostly the seventh one. And it's not so much annoying as it is the untimely discomfort this causes. Academic/professional pressure one can handle, but when paired with social life nuisances, you're up for a ride that's bound to make you one emotional retard.
On the other hand, nothing beats the rediscovery of why people of value are people of value in your life. This feeling I'd like to compare to being dead and being resurrected afterward, mind you, I have never had a near-death experience, but I've had an emotional form of that. And just when you discover the amount of sweeping emotion inside of you that needs to be expressed you know that you just cracked open the emotional equivalent of Pandora's box. The tears, the feelings of loss, dismay, melancholy, joy and happiness altogether are capable of putting your mind in a state of utter chaos.
Emotion is not in the heart, emotion is in the whole of a human being, you don't feel with your heart, it just makes a reaction to what message is sent to your brain, when you see the one you love your heart flutters, but so it does when it sees your sworn enemy. It's all in the head, never in the heart. Modern emotion is a more intelligent form of emotion, and we should deal with it as such.
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